THE CONTEXT
Anti-DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion) sentiment is strongly showing up these days in political manipulations, social media, courts, and laws.
THE PUZZLE
How can we help our colleagues, leaders, families, and friends see that there is still a LOT of work to do to make our places of work, learning, and life truly diverse, equitable, and inclusive?
Imagine working at a veterinary hospital where some employees felt like they couldn’t say the words “black lab” when a black lab came in for treatment.
That’s what I found when I went in to do some diversity, equity, and inclusion trainings at one veterinary hospital. The whole situation had become incredibly complicated. There were different viewpoints, emotions, and positions, but there hadn’t been any productive, connecting conversations. That’s one of the examples I address in my recent TEDx talk.
You may work with people who throw their hands up at this complexity. Sometimes people feel like diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) work has gone too far with the sensitivity to language. Some feel like “you can’t say anything these days.” Some suggest DEI work is not even needed anymore, as they echo a political movement especially salient right now. With this TEDx talk, I hope to provide you a resource to share, to help people see why the attention to even subtle exclusion matters, to help people contextualize the current political moment, and to illuminate some immediate actions we can all take.
There are seven takeaways in this talk. They are briefly described below, but check out the video (linked above) to get the full picture.
Create More Inclusion and Safety at Work and Beyond
[1] You can’t always know what is going to make other people feel bad. That seems sort of obvious, but it’s incredible how many people filter other people’s experiences through their own lenses to decide what should and shouldn’t feel bad. In the talk, I give an example of a man who is blind and feels bad when people silently flatten themselves up against the wall so he can get past. It makes him feel like a burden and like he’s not normal. Check out the video to see what he wishes people did instead.
[2] Words land differently for different people. When people call me (a white man) professional, it doesn’t make me feel bad. But a Black woman I interviewed said that when people call her professional, it doesn't feel like a compliment. It happens a lot to her, as if people don’t expect someone who looks like her or sounds like her to be professional. And I should add that the whole idea of what counts as professional is rooted in whiteness.
[3] Subtle acts can have a huge impact. In the talk, I tell the story of a gay man who mentions a past boyfriend and then there’s a pause before people say, “oh, ok.” They don’t say anything bad at all, but the pause makes him feel not normal. Even subtle exclusions like this activate the same part of the brain that fires when we experience physical pain. When that part of the brain is activated, it gets in the way of mental clarity and decision making. And when it happens again and again it can cause mental and physical health problems. That’s how much of a big deal it is for individuals! And it also impacts how people engage with their work, causing a lack of inclusion and psychological safety which can have significant organizational impacts. These subtle exclusions add up to big impacts.
4] Speak up, even if you don’t know what to say. When subtle acts of exclusion (SAE) happen, whether they are happening to us or we witness them happening, people often try to figure out the perfect thing to say, and then hesitate to bring it up once they eventually find the right words. Instead, if we say something before we even know what to say, and we call in the other person, we can explore it together and build more connection between us. To be fair, it doesn’t always go well, and I tell one such example from my own life about a time I mistakenly thought speaking up would go smoothly.
[5] It can feel good to be part of a larger movement. Speaking up isn’t always going to feel bad or uncomfortable. Sometimes the “aha” moments will be filled with gratitude and humility, joy and connection. And we can feel good if we are working toward our collective growth.
.[6] Accept feedback as a gift. We all make others feel excluded sometimes, most often without meaning to, because we just can’t know everything that makes other people feel bad (see takeaway 1). When we do commit an SAE, we can’t go back in time and change it. All we can do is accept the feedback well, understand the impact on the other person with curiosity, and change our behaviors. The fact that they took a risk to help us be more inclusive with them and others is a priceless gift.
[7] Make mistakes as you try your hardest. When one of my children was three years old, he went to an amazing preschool where every day the students repeated their values before their school lessons. One of their values was, “we make mistakes.” This was brilliant because it allowed them to try new and hard things, to push themselves, and not to feel embarrassed or ashamed if they made mistakes. Mistakes are part of the process if we are really trying our hardest. And it’s that same spirit we need now as we resolutely push forward for more inclusion and equity for everyone.
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We Can Do Better at collectively taking action to increase inclusion and psychological safety for everyone.
