THE CONTEXT
According to the CDC, approximately 1 in 4 US adults lives with a disability.
THE PUZZLE
Despite the fact that disabilities are quite common, so many of us seem a little clueless about how to appropriately interact. Why? How can we do better?
A few summers ago I attended a Disability:IN Conference focussed on workplace inclusion for people with disabilities. My former company had a booth in the large expo hall and I was there with a videographer, conducting interviews with people who have disabilities, asking them about their experiences of inclusion and exclusion in the workplace. At one point, a man who appeared to be blind or have a visual impairment came up and asked, “Am I headed in the direction of the exit?” There were three of us at the booth – me, Rob Shore (the videographer), and my former colleague, Scott Hoesman. All three of us answered, “Yes you are.” But between us and the exit were booths, people, food tables, and other obstacles. Several thoughts came rapid-fire into my head. I wondered how I could best help him navigate all these obstacles: What exactly should I say? Should I take his arm and guide him? Verbally guide him? Would it be wrong of me to even assume that he needed help?
What would you do? Seriously, take a minute and think about what you would do, and what specifically you would say. Maybe write it down. If you have a lot of contact with people with disabilities, this exercise might be easy and obvious for you. Others of you might be a little surprised when you realize that you have very few day-to-day interactions with people with apparent disabilities. That lack of direct experience might leave you unsure of how to handle a situation like this. That’s what happened to me. When faced with this conference attendee trying to get to the exit, I didn’t immediately know the right thing to do or the right things to say. It’s not like I was doing anything bad. My heart was in the right place; I was trying hard to figure out how to be a help. I even had experience around disability inclusion. As a topic, it often formed part of my talks and workshops on diversity, equity, and inclusion. But I didn’t have nearly enough day-to-day experience navigating the world together with people with disabilities.
I definitely didn’t have the specialized expertise that my colleague Scott had. He has been a thought leader in this space; he sits on the board of Disability:IN; and he has accumulated enough direct experiences that he intuitively knows what to do without overthinking it.
Did you overthink it? In that moment, I did.
While several different options were running through my head, Scott simply walked up to the man and asked, “How can I be of assistance?”
It was a solution that Scott didn’t think twice about. Rob and I looked at each other as if to say, “Why didn’t we think of that?” Scott’s question was subtly wonderful in several ways. First, it didn’t assume anything about what the man could or couldn’t do. Second, it let him dictate for himself what he needed. Scott didn’t make an offer which the man would then have to accept or reject, potentially hurting Scott’s feelings. Third, it left the door open for the man to say that he didn’t need any assistance at all. If Scott had said, “Let me guide you there,” the man might have had to politely refuse an offer, again creating an awkward social interaction. And finally, the naturalness with which Scott asked the question subtly communicated to the man, “I see you” and “you belong.” There was no awkwardness, no hesitation, no assumption, no compensating with extra attention. Scott efficiently helped the man go about his business, which was on the other side of the exit door.
As I spoke with people with disabilities at this conference, they explained some of the subtle and not-so-subtle ways that they experienced exclusion at work – feeling not valued, respected, welcomed, or heard. So many of the interactions that were making people feel excluded seemed so avoidable. If everyone just had a little more exposure to people with disabilities, we could all do so much better in our interactions. In the meantime, some basic tips might help.
How We Can Do Better
[1] When in doubt about how to refer to someone’s disability, consider just asking them. Not all people with disabilities prefer the same language. A good widely-accepted guideline is to use “people first language" – put the person before the disability. For example, instead of saying a "disabled person," say a "person with a disability." Other examples include "a person who uses a wheelchair," "a woman with low vision," or "a man with depression."
Depression brings up a side note: I am focussing largely on apparent, physical disabilities in this issue. There are also many non-apparent disabilities. Some of those are physical, and many are related to mental health – depression, previous strokes or head injuries, anxiety, panic disorder, etc. These non-apparent disabilities are incredibly important, and are not discussed nearly enough, probably due to the stigma associated with them. I will return to these in another issue.
[2] Be thoughtful about the specific disability that a person has. One of the speakers at the same conference told a story about a recent work trip. She told the flight attendant, “I’m deaf” when she boarded, as is standard, and took her seat. A few minutes later the flight attendant came by and handed her a braille safety instruction card. Think about that for a moment. The passenger rubbed the braille card on her ear and said, “Hmm. It’s not working.” Although she responded with humor to diffuse the situation, she likely felt excluded and a lack of belonging in that moment.
[3] Having a disability that impacts one area of your life doesn’t mean ALL aspects of your life are necessarily impacted. One speaker at the conference with mobility impairment told a story about using the restroom at work. After washing his hands, he headed out of the restroom and a colleague held the door for him. As he exited, the colleague said, “Good job buddy.” His thought was, “If he thinks I need to be complimented for going to the restroom, what does he think about my competency to actually do my job?”
[4] People with disabilities are not there to be an “inspiration.” How many of you have seen videos being passed around social media that show a person with a disability lifting a heavy weight or doing martial arts (or something like that) with the caption “what’s your excuse?” Disability activists call this “inspiration porn” and find it patronizing in the way it celebrates people doing normal things and assumes that you should think of them as “brave” or “inspiring” for doing activities like others do. Don’t share these videos or excessively celebrate people for doing everyday activities.
[5] Don’t make people feel like a burden. For example, people are often asked to use a microphone for their comments at meetings or workshops. Providing a microphone is a good inclusive practice that can help everyone hear better. People all too commonly roll their eyes when they get passed the microphone or make a joke like “I’ll be here all week!” or they may say, “I’m loud enough without that thing.” Those people are drawing extra attention to the microphone and they are communicating something subtle and implicit to people who might need the microphone to hear – that “you are a burden.” If you are requested to use a microphone, just use it and don’t make a big deal out of it.
[6] Don’t try so hard to treat people as normal that you overcompensate to show just how comfortable you are. One person mentioned that co-workers might joke with him, for example, pointing out his wheelchair and saying, “Don’t go getting any speeding tickets with that thing.” It happens to him a lot. It’s good not to ignore someone’s disability, but don’t make it the focal point of their humanity.
[7] Don’t make assumptions about what people need. Instead, just ask, like Scott did: “How can I be of assistance?” One man who identified as blind, for example, talked about the common occurrence of passing people in the hallway at work. They try really hard to get out of his way, flattening themselves up against the wall and trying to "disappear." But that makes it awkward for him, and their silence makes it actually hard to navigate the hall. Instead, he said that he prefers people to just say, “Hi André, it’s Dave, passing on your right.” That helps him navigate the hall more easily, and it gives him the chance to say, "hi" or to ask Dave a question if he has one. You won’t always know what would be most helpful for each and every disability but you can ask.
We can do better at disability inclusion.
